Engineer landing in hell | light mind freshner joke

An engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels, although they still cannot watch Breaking Bad on AMC.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up?

The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."

"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, after such a lot of suffering career down at Earth. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."

The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs. "Where are You going to get a lawyer?"

 




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And you thought she was just a witness | Beware

Questions asked in a courtroom can be very revealing... Even of an old, sweet lady many would be happy to call grandma.

In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Whitaker, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Coolidge. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit lawyer. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Whitaker, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Of course, I do. I've known Mr. Johnson since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney turned red with embarrassment.

The judge upon hearing the questions and answers thus far asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."


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Hilarious questions by lawyers in a courtroom

Wonder how they cleared their Bar exam ?

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?


Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision ?


Q: Did he kill you?


Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?


Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?




Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"

Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."  

Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"



Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard." 

Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"



Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?" 

Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8." 

Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?" 

Witness: "Yes." 

Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"



Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"



Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?" 

Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."




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