Double meaning | Mind twisting | funny | sexy | jokes

This post is a collection of  jokes that will make you think twice at your thinking, made with the intent of showing that straight meanings do exits to various thing, but you would surely find it humorous.

Touch my Body Game

Boy: Hey! Bae, Touch me at one place where there is no bone ...
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Girl : Awww ! Then take out your ...
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BIG
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LONG
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Always WET



Tongue

Mr Bean wants it too

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Have You seen ?

What girls wear below the Pants?
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Sandals of course
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Stop U Pervert Minded

I said below ..... not beneath.

From the eyes of Johnny Bravo

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I'm Sexy and I Know it !

People spend so much money on fashionable clothes and accessories

but the best moments of life are spent without clothes.
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when we were kids....

Common, Think good !

Carefree Life

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Unique conversational skills

An American woman married a Spanish man and went to Spain to live.

She didn't knew Spanish, so If she wanted to buy 2 leg pieces of  a chicken, she used to pull up her skirt show 2 legs,

This went on for sometime.

1 Day She Wanted to buy some Bananas

This time she took her husband to the Shop...

You Know Why ???

Because he knew Spanish !

But I like the way you think ...... :P

When you thought she's gonna show 

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When its too Tight to fit

Girl : It's 2 tight

Boy : Don't worry,I'll do it slowly,

Gal : Push it in,

Boy : Ah..I can't,

Gal : It's painful,

Boy : Forget it.
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We'll buy new WEDDING RING!

Can't fit but what ?

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When she goes too long !

I miss You soo much in my life

I miss You soo much in my  life ......

that at night I hold it in my hand tight
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Shut Up u evil minded

Its her pic that I hold

Remembering this scene Right Now ?

Remember, there's always the possibility of more than One side to any story. Share our post if you find it funny.


Source: Part of it present all over the internet, and rest is the creation of our mind.

Game of Lies | Let's Play a Game | Tell a lie

Rules :

• The lie should be 100% false.
• No Hatred comment.
• Can also be played by sharing it between 2 people.

Game's On!

So Lie and .........Lie Again! no truth.


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Ron Jeremy's Maiden Show

The Beginning Of a Legend!

Ron Jeremy : The Beginning Of a Legend !

and the tale continues ...


Keep Sharing our page to the million and millions of your friends ....Peace !

Fast but not faster ....lol

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand-new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light.

An old man (about 75 years old) on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny new car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The old man asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner.

So the old guy pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, he says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror.

It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, 

WHHHOOOOSSSHHH! something whips by him, going much faster.

What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?! the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. 





Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.

Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. WHHOOOOSSSHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. 

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not 10 seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do.
 

Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear.

The young man jumps out; unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh, my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers softly, "Unhook... my... suspenders... from... your... side-view... mirror."

Engineer landing in hell | light mind freshner joke

An engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels, although they still cannot watch Breaking Bad on AMC.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up?

The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."

"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, after such a lot of suffering career down at Earth. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."

The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs. "Where are You going to get a lawyer?"

 




Curtsy: http://www.rd.com

And the ROCK says ...

And the Rock says:

Did you smell ?

if you can than Read it till end & guess the missing guest ?

 

 Find the missing one, without seeing the last line?

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antigua's, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahrain, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean 

all go to a nightclub.

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The doorman stops them and says, ‘Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.’

Curtsy: reddit.com

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson on camping ... | Funny incident

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:

"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." 

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" 

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."


And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot ! it means that somebody stole our tent."

How one letter can change your life. | funny mail story

Story of a mail

An Illinois man  left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here."


Curtsy: http://www.greatcleanjokes.com/


 Sharing is Caring !

Who says spam mail can't get you money legally, ask Dimitry Agarkov ...

Now what would you call that ?

Dimitry Agarkov in picture.

Curtsy: Unbelievablefactsblog.com

And you thought she was just a witness | Beware

Questions asked in a courtroom can be very revealing... Even of an old, sweet lady many would be happy to call grandma.

In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Whitaker, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Coolidge. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit lawyer. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Whitaker, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Of course, I do. I've known Mr. Johnson since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney turned red with embarrassment.

The judge upon hearing the questions and answers thus far asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."


Curtsy: http://www.jokesclean.com 


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Hilarious questions by lawyers in a courtroom

Wonder how they cleared their Bar exam ?

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?


Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision ?


Q: Did he kill you?


Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?


Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?




Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"

Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."  

Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"



Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard." 

Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"



Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?" 

Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8." 

Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?" 

Witness: "Yes." 

Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"



Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"



Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?" 

Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."




Curtsy:
http://www.jokesclean.com/
http://www.rinkworks.com



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9 Funny Conversations at Courtroom part 2

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?



Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?



 Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.



Curtsy : http://www.jokesclean.com

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Darling he's telling a lie, i swear | Lie Detector Robot

Mystery Solved

Lie Detector Robot- Secrets untold!

Curtsy : http://o-teri-ki.blogspot.com

Funny Interview | One of the best comeback lines of all time

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor Boy Scouts visiting his military installation.
Though many people call it was a rumor .

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and
shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the 


No proofs yet with us, we found it on net. 


Have any information on it, enlighten Us !

10 Funny Real Conversations at Courtroom part 1

Q: Did you see my client flee the scene?
A: No, sir, I didn’t. But subsequently I observed someone running several blocks away who matched the description of the offender.
Q: Who provided you with the description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer of yours provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust this fellow officer?
A: Yes, sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me then ask you this, officer. Do you have a room were you change your clothes in preparation for the day’s duties?
A: Yes, sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes, sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Why is it, officer, that if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those some officers?
A: You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex. And sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.



 Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.




 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan



Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years


Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.


 Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.


 Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


 Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?


 Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Curtsy : http://www.jokesclean.com

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World’s best resignation letter Imagined one

World’s best resignation letter

Dear Mr. Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consistently performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, “I prefer not to comment.” To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your “Favorites,” which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your mother’s b-day,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)

I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*ck with your systems administrator, Mr. Baker! They know what you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
David Blocker
Network Administrator


Moral: Never mess with you admin, he knows it all.


How was that guys ?  comments welcomed

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Answer This If You Can ...

Questions which almost all failed to answer ....

Why does rain drop for snow fall?

What disease did cured ham have?

What's the difference between unique and very unique?

We put in our two cents, but only get a penny for our thoughts. Who gets the extra penny?

When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?

Can you cry under water?
 
Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?
 
When you get to heaven, are you stuck for eternity wearing the same clothes you were buried in?

Why did we put a man on the moon before we realized it would be a good idea to make luggage with
wheels?

Why are actors IN movies but ON television?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?

Why does grass grow where you do not want it and not grow where you do?

Why do we say we slept like a baby when they wake up every two hours?

Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at things on the ground?

If a deaf person goes to court, do they call it a hearing?

What is a Japanese maple tree called in Japan?  (Ans:  Baby's Palm)

We say, "It's Greek to me."  What do the Greeks say?  (Ans:  It's Chinese to me.)

If we don't care that Jimmy cracked corn, why do we still sing about it?

Why does Goofy stand upright and Pluto stand on all four feet? They're both dogs.

Do "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song" have the same tune?

On Gilligan's Island, the professor could make a radio out of a coconut. Why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?

If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that stuff from ACME, why doesn't he just buy himself dinner?

Can you drive in the car pool lane if you're driving a hearse with a corpse in it?

Why does a dog get mad at you if you blow in his face, but then stick his head out the window when you take him for a car ride?


Trolled! Post your Comments below ...

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Double meaning Jokes | funny | sexy | jokes

No Its Wrong ...

A couple were making love, suddenly girl yells ...

Girl : No, its wrong.

Boy : But I love You .

Girl : No,  Still its wrong 

Boy : Baby, I am gonna marry you ..

Girl : No As***le , its the wrong hole .....

Really, Did I ?

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Tori Black in School time

Tori Black  during her School……
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In Chemistry class

Teacher : Tori, Please enlighten me, What's Nitrate ?

After thinking for 2 minutes

Tori : "Sir, you really want to know ?

Teacher :  Yes, please tell me fast, if you know ?

Tori : Night rate 1500

&

Hotel charges extra"...

Tori Hired !

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Parrot know it

A woman purchased a parrot for 3k

Seller insisted not to buy that one, as it used to be under possession of a red -light area.

She still bought it, as it was pretty, & brought it to her home.

Parrot : Woh! , new house.
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The Woman felt pleased with its ability.
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Soon when her 2 daughter came from school
.
Parrot : New-New girls, I am coming to the room ...
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The woman got "tensed", as the seller noted the point.
.
But in the evening when her husband came
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Parrot : Hey! "JAY", you're even here bro.

Share it if you got it......

If you Know what parrot Knows 

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If you know what she means

A married woman to her friend : I am not  getting a baby,

even after trying for an year.

Her Friend : Then, Your husband might be impotent.

Woman : My husband, I even doubt yours ...

Darling ! when is my turn | Naughty Jokes

2 beautiful girls were traveling in a train

Soon, They started chatting for time pass

1st girl : What type of man you wan't ?

2nd girl : I wan't a millionaire .

1st girl : If not a millionaire .

2nd girl : Then, 2 husbands with 500 k of money.

1st girl : If you didn't found that too .

2nd girl : Then 4 husbands with 250 k of money.

A guy next to them who was half asleep says,

"Wake me up when she comes to 1 k" :

Girls Trolled

When is my turn

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