Dared to Troll his Wife
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Showing posts with label troll. Show all posts
Showing posts with label troll. Show all posts
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson on camping ... | Funny incident
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot ! it means that somebody stole our tent."
Answer This If You Can ...
Questions which almost all failed to answer ....
Why does rain drop for snow fall?
What disease did cured ham have?
What's the difference between unique and very unique?
We put in our two cents, but only get a penny for our thoughts. Who gets the extra penny?
When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?
Can you cry under water?
Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?
When you get to heaven, are you stuck for eternity wearing the same clothes you were buried in?
Why did we put a man on the moon before we realized it would be a good idea to make luggage with
wheels?
Why are actors IN movies but ON television?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?
Why does grass grow where you do not want it and not grow where you do?
Why do we say we slept like a baby when they wake up every two hours?
Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If a deaf person goes to court, do they call it a hearing?
What is a Japanese maple tree called in Japan? (Ans: Baby's Palm)
We say, "It's Greek to me." What do the Greeks say? (Ans: It's Chinese to me.)
If we don't care that Jimmy cracked corn, why do we still sing about it?
Why does Goofy stand upright and Pluto stand on all four feet? They're both dogs.
Do "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song" have the same tune?
On Gilligan's Island, the professor could make a radio out of a coconut. Why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?
If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that stuff from ACME, why doesn't he just buy himself dinner?
Can you drive in the car pool lane if you're driving a hearse with a corpse in it?
Why does a dog get mad at you if you blow in his face, but then stick his head out the window when you take him for a car ride?
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Darling ! when is my turn | Naughty Jokes
2 beautiful girls were traveling in a train
Soon, They started chatting for time pass
1st girl : What type of man you wan't ?
2nd girl : I wan't a millionaire .
1st girl : If not a millionaire .
2nd girl : Then, 2 husbands with 500 k of money.
1st girl : If you didn't found that too .
2nd girl : Then 4 husbands with 250 k of money.
A guy next to them who was half asleep says,
"Wake me up when she comes to 1 k" :
Girls Trolled
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| When is my turn |
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Don't mess with a lady like that | Trolling the cops
A Mature Lady Gets Pulled Over For Speeding
Lady: “Is There A Problem, Officer?”
Traffic Cop: “Yes Mam, I’m Afraid You Were Speeding.”
Lady: “Oh, I See.”
Cop: “Can I See Your License Please?”
Lady: “Well, I Would Give It To You But I Don’t Have One.”
Cop: “Don’t Have One?”
Lady: “No. I Lost It 4 Years Ago For Drunk Driving.”
Cop: “I See, Can I See Your Vehicle Registration Papers Please.”
Lady: “I Can’t Do That.”
Cop: “Why Not?”
Lady: “I Stole This Car.”
Cop: “Stole It ?”
Lady: “Yes, And I Killed And Hacked Up The Owner.”
Cop: “You What! ?”
Lady: “His Body Parts Are In Plastic Bags In The Trunk If You Want To See”
The Cop Looks At The Woman And Slowly Backs Away To His Car While Calling For Back Up.
Within Minutes 5 Police Cars Circle The Car.
A Senior Officer Slowly Approaches The Car, Clasping His Half Drawn Gun.
Officer: “Mam, Could You Step Out Of Your Vehicle Please!”
The Woman Steps Out Of Her Vehicle.
Lady: “Is There A Problem Sir?”
Officer: “My Colleague Here Tells Me That You Have Stolen This Car and Murdered The Owner.”
Lady: “Murdered The Owner? Are You Serious?”
Officer: “Yes, Could You Please Open The Trunk Of Your Car, Please.”
The Woman Opens The Trunk, Revealing Nothing But An Empty Trunk.
Officer: “Is This Your Car, Mam?”
Lady: “Yes, Here Are The Registration Papers.”
The Cop Is Quite Stunned.
Officer: “My Colleague Claims That You Do Not Have A Driving License ?”
The Woman Digs Into Her Handbag And Pulls Out A Clutch Purse And Hands It To The Officer.
The Officer Examines The License Quizzically.
Officer: “Thank You Mam, But I Am Puzzled, As I Was Told By My Officer Here That You Didn’t
Have A License, That You Stole This Car, And That You Murdered And Hacked Up The Owner!”
Lady: “I Bet That Lying Bastard Also Told you that, I Was Speeding, Too!”
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New | Naughty | Funny | Sexy| trolling | Jokes
But I like the way ....
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him,
"If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says,
"None."
The teacher asks,"Why?"
Johnny says,"Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!":P
LMFAO !
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts,"Mypenis,"
and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says,
"Error. Not long enough." ROFL
Officer Trolled
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him,
"Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man shouts,
.
.
.
.
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"Boobs!"
Guess What ?
Ques: What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
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Ans: Currency Note (Money).
Potential & Realistic
A boy asks his dad,
“What’s the difference between potential and realistic?”
The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds,
“A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!”
He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies,
“Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!”
Next, the boy asks his brother who replies,
“A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!”
When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says,
“Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”
Curtsy : www.laughfactory.com
Funny | Sexy| Naughty | Trolling | Time Pass | jokes
ROFL
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said,
“You are back early, what’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee!” she said.
“Where?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said,
“Your stance is far too wide.” :P
Mom Trolled
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother,
"Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say,
"It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked,
"Really small, was it that small?"
Sally replied,"No, salty."
Mom fainted.
Did you know?
Ques: How are women and tornadoes alike?
.
.
.
.
Ans:They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
Teacher Trolled
Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.
"Who is the creator of the universe?"
Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled,
"God almighty!"
The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question,
"Tell me who is our lord and savior?"
Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out,
"Jesus Christ!"
The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked,
"What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?"
Joe poked Josey again and she shouted,
"If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"
Curtsy : http://www.laughfactory.com
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Funny Men Will be men trolling
Boy:" How Many Apples Can You Eat In Empty Stomach?
Girl:" I Can Eat 6 Apples.
Boy:" You Can Eat Only 1 Apple In
Empty Stomach B'coz When You Eat The
2nd Apple That's Not In Empty Stomach.
Girl:" Waow Super Joke I'll Tell My Friend.
Girl To Other Girl
How Many Apple Can You Eat In Empty Stomach??
Other Girl:" I Can Eat 10..
Girl: Stupid if you had said 6 then I would have cracked a great joke ...
funny jokes doctor's Collection
Hey Doctor!
First Surgery
A new doctor after his first Surgery runs to the top of the building, on the roof, kneels down on the floor, closes his eyes with head towards the sky and says
"O almighty God! Please accept my first offering" ...
Bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
by- http://www.doctorslounge.com
You are too ugly
The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...' I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.
Submitted by: Adriana Luchett at http://iteslj.org
It hurts
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
Submitted by Sean McLoughlin at http://iteslj.org
That's really very funny
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination."I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..." .....RIP
by- http://www.doctorslounge.com
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:
Oops!Has anyone seen my watch?
Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingy
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
Damn, there go the lights again...
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
What do you mean, he's not insured?
Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
by- http://www.doctorslounge.com
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Fun Fact: Whale Fart Bubbles are so huge that ...
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| What did you said fart ! |
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